Twelve Steps and the Jesuits

As a student in the Divine Mercy University’s Spiritual Direction Certification program the entire last semester has made it abundantly clear that I need to become very familiar with the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola. St. Ignatius founded the Jesuit order over 450 years ago, also known as 'The Society of Jesus' (FYI, Pope Francis was a member). 

Not being a priest or in a religious order or having much Catholic education, my response to this requirement of being well versed in the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius has largely been:

The what of the who?!

Well, I’m not the only recovering addict to say that about the Spiritual Exercises. I found out that Bill W. (co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous) said pretty much the same thing to Fr. Ed Dowling in about 1942 when AA was just getting off the ground.

Ok, back up... how do I know this?

Part of my course requirements have been to attend a 5 day Ignatian retreat. I was able to fulfill that requirement this past summer. I showed up at the Bellarmine Retreat Center for my required five day retreat very much looking forward to it.

Three hours into it at the end of dinner time, they say what everyone but me knows.. "This is a silent retreat from here on. Enjoy!" (Read more about my Bellarmine Retreat adventure here.)

What?!

That must have been in the fine print somewhere... hmmm... this is going to be interesting.

Silent, that is, except for going to Mass and meeting with my spiritual director. Her job was to lead me through some of the Spiritual Exercises.

Well alrighty then!

But I needn’t have been worried, God knows what he is doing.

During my first meeting with my spiritual director I found out that she is a recovering alcoholic, ten years sober. I’m not sure we ever got through many of the Ignatian Exercises (as much as I needed them to be explained to me), because we were both geeking out about being in recovery and how we work with our sponsees and so on. We spent a lot of time comparing notes on those fronts.

As we were talking she asked me if I’d seen the “Fr. Ed” book in the Bellarmine book store?

I said no and asked her what it was about.

Turns out Fr. Ed Dowling was a great champion of the early AA organization. He also befriended Bill W. and became one his most trusted spiritual advisors.

My spiritual director then explained that the book was written by an excellent research journalist named Dawn Eden Goldstein, a Jewish convert to Catholicism. She said that Dawn takes great pains to meticulously explain how Father Ed helped Bill W. see the connections between Ignatian spirituality and the 12 steps.

So I of course bought the book along with several other of Goldstein’s books (all very good by the way) and I’ve been slowly reading it during my weekly holy hours.

I have to say, this is really helping me get my head around the spiritual exercises now that I understand that this spirituality actually permeates much of AA and all 12 step spirituality. It is starting to make sense to me because of my familiarity with the 12 steps.

I guess if I’d only gone to the Calix Society Store when I first joined a few years back I might have seen the excellent book by Father Jim Harbaugh that explains how the 12 steps are related to the Spiritual exercises. Maybe I’ll read that one next.

But back to Goldstein’s book. She is indeed an excellent researcher and an amazing story teller as well. She knows how to make a biography interesting.

Anyway, if you are at all interested in the roots of Alcoholics Anonymous and twelve step spirituality, do yourself a favor and get a copy of “Father Ed: The Story of Bill W’s Spiritual Sponsor” and sip on it. If you’re like me you’ll learn a whole lot about the spiritual formation that Jesuits go through at the very least (that is the first part of the book). Then I guarantee you’ll learn things you never knew about the first decades of AA... Dawn Eden is one of the best research journalists I’ve ever read.

Maybe I'll actually be able to navigate through the rest of my course work now and obtain my certificate because of making this connection. Who knew?

A Bible for the Young and Young at Heart

I wish I'd grown up with this kid's Bible. It is easily the finest one I've seen in print and I've seen quite a few.

Definitely not just for young Catholics!

The only problem is the subtitle which is "A Story Bible for Young Catholics".

Ok, I get the 'marketing to Catholics' thing, but this publication is certainly NOT just for Young Catholics. What a terribly limiting thing to say!

No.

Emily's story telling prowess shines here!

This work of art is for everyone (the young and the young at heart) who wants to know more about the Christian faith in its entire sweep. It wonderfully connects the dots between key elements over the entire arc of salvation history.

Diana Renzina's art work is stunningly beautiful!

It is for kids of all ages. My inner 10 year old has delighted in every page.

And my inner 4 year old LOVED listening to Jonathan Roumie read it to me. I binged the entire 76 short (average 5 minute) chapters in a matter of a few days!

Read by the actor
who plays Jesus
in 'The Chosen'

So Christian or not, Protestant or Catholic or Orthodox or whatever, this one is for you if you want to catch a vision of what Christians have treasured over the past twenty centuries.

Emily Stimpson Chapman's excellent story telling abilities alone make this a winner. Combined with Diana Renzina's stunning artwork it knocks it out of the park! Diana's more accurate depiction of the variety of Middle Eastern skin tones alone is so refreshing and only the tiniest part of her true talent as an illustrator.

I am deeply impressed and binging the audio now for the second time because my inner 4 year old keeps clamoring for it again.

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The Vietnamese Mass: A Piercing Joyous Light

As I started going to Mass more in the greater Grand Rapids area I couldn't help noticing the presence of Vietnamese Nuns quite often. I learned that there was a convent for them on the southwest side of town. 

Digging a little deeper I found out a little more history on how people from Vietnam began arriving here in greater numbers with the fall of Saigon in 1975. Many of them were and still are Catholic.

In 2024 we moved towards the southwest side where the closest Parish was Our Lady of La Vang.

Having gone there a few times over the last year, the beauty and kindness of the people there have touched my heart deeply. It shines out profoundly in their worship and devotion during the mass because to me at least, their way of chanting the entire liturgy is piercingly exquisite.

The lovely aesthetic of the Vietnamese language itself lends a hand in this regard.

Hear it for yourself in this example (Jump to the 22 minute mark to hear what I'm referring to):

At Our Lady of La Vang everything is in Vietnamese most of the time. With my love of languages this suits me just fine. Add to that, they often have the words of songs and the liturgy projected so I can follow along and sound out the words. Sometimes they have the English alongside the Vietnamese, so I can figure out pretty quickly the often repeated words like God (Thân) or Lord (Chua) or Jesus Christ (Giêsu Kitô).

The point is this, I find it easy to sing and worship with my Vietnamese brothers and sisters and I find their deep reverence extremely attractive. I hope to make this my Sunday Church home now since we live so close and I like to support my neighborhood Parish when I can.

This past Monday was the memorial of St. Andrew Dũng-Lạc and I was so very fortunate to have attended mass at the Cathedral downtown with Fr. Kenneth Boyack presiding that morning. His homily was so beautiful I asked if I could have it and share it with others. He handed it to me right away and then sent it to me later in electronic form.

It is very inspiring and informative. I hope it blesses you today!

__________

Homily for the Memorial of St. Andrew Dung-Lac, Priest, and Companions, Martyrs
Father Kenneth Boyack, CSP
Cathedral of Saint Andrew, Grand Rapids, MI

Today the Church invites us to remember a remarkable chapter in the history of the Catholic faith—the witness of St. Andrew Dũng-Lạc and the Vietnamese Martyrs. Their story stretches across three centuries and includes more than 100,000 believers—bishops and priests, religious and laypeople, parents and children—most of whose names are known only to God. Yet their courage continues to speak to the whole Church.

When Christianity first entered Vietnam in the late 1500s, it was seen as a foreign threat. Waves of persecution followed, marked by some of the most brutal tortures in recorded history. Believers were burned, dismembered, or suffocated; churches were destroyed; and Christians were ordered to renounce their faith by trampling on a crucifix. And yet, against all human logic, the Gospel did not disappear. It took deeper root. The blood of these martyrs became the seed of a thriving Church.

Among them stands Andrew Dũng-Lạc, a humble parish priest born near Hanoi. As a young man, he encountered a catechist, was baptized, and soon became a catechist himself. His zeal and holiness led to his ordination in 1823. In 1832, when Christianity was outlawed under Emperor Minh-Mang, Andrew was arrested repeatedly. He could have saved his life by denying Christ, but he chose instead to remain faithful. He was beheaded on December 21, 1839.

How do we make sense of such courage? One of his fellow martyrs, St. Paul Le-Bao-Tinh, wrote from prison: “I am full of joy and gladness, because I am not alone—Christ is with me. Our Master bears the whole weight of the cross, leaving me only the tiniest bit.” Their strength was not human stubbornness; it was confidence in the presence of Christ.

This memorial challenges us not necessarily to die for Christ, but to live for Him. Most of our trials are quieter: choosing forgiveness over resentment, fidelity over convenience, truth over comfort, faith over fear. The martyrs remind us that holiness is built on daily decisions to trust Jesus, even when it costs us something.

Their witness also proclaims that the Church is truly universal. The Gospel is not Western or Eastern—it belongs to every people and culture. Today, the Church in Vietnam is vibrant and growing, a living testament that suffering never has the last word. God does.

So we pray in this Mass: Lord, give us the courage of these martyrs. Help us to stand firm in faith, to love without fear, and to follow you with joyful hearts. May their witness inspire us to proclaim Christ—not only with our words, but with our lives. Amen.

Trusting in God who strengthened the martyrs of Vietnam, let us confidently bring our prayers before the Lord.

• For the Church throughout the world, that, inspired by the courage of St. Andrew Dũng-Lac and his companions, Christians may remain steadfast in faith and joyful in witness, even in times of trial. R: Lord hear our prayer.
• For all who suffer persecution for their faith today, that God will protect them, give them hope, and bring peace to nations where religious freedom is threatened. R: Lord hear our prayer.
• For the people and Church of Vietnam, that the seed planted by the martyrs may continue to bear fruit in holiness, vocations and vibrant missionary discipleship. R: Lord hear our prayer.
• For priests, catechists, missionaries, and all who proclaim the Gospel, that, like St. Andrew Dũng-Lac, they may serve with humility, courage and unwavering trust in Christ. R: Lord hear our prayer.
• For our Cathedral community, that we may learn to live our faith boldly -- choosing love over fear, forgiveness over resentment and truth over convenience -- so that our lives become a witness to Christ. R: Lord hear our prayer.
• For those who carry hidden crosses -- illness, loneliness, grief, or discouragement, that they may know the comforting presence of Christ, who walks with His people in every trial. R: Lord hear our prayer.
• For peace among nations and respect among cultures, that the example of the universal Church may help all peoples see one another as brothers and sisters created in God's image. R: Lord hear our prayer.
• For the prayers we hold in the silence of our hearts. R: Lord hear our prayer.

God of strength and mercy, you sustained the martyrs of Vietnam in their hour of trial. Hear our prayers, grant us steadfast hearts and make us faithful witnesses to your love. Through Christ our Lord. 

Amen.

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Joseph Stalin Part 2

The Joseph Stalin song (aka "Just Like Me" by Jeffrey Martin) acknowledged the dignity we owe to every person with penetrating humor. It is the most recent addition to my campfire songs.

"Orders" by Bruce Cockburn takes it a step father with somber determination. It entered my campfire lexicon after I heard it a couple years ago. Give it a listen:

The just, the merciful, the cruel
The stumbling well-intentioned fool
The deft, the oaf, the witless pawn
The golden one life smiles upon
The squalling infant in mid-squall
The neighbors fighting down the hall
The list is long - as I recall
Our orders said to love them all

The cynic and the crooked priest
The woman wise, the sullen beast
The enemy outside the gate
The friend who leaves it all to fate
The drunk who tags the bathroom stall
The proud boy headed to his fall,
The list is long - as I recall
Our orders said to love them all

The pastor preaching shades of hate
The self-inflating head of state
The black and blue, the starved for bread
The dread, the red, the better dead
The sweet, the vile, the small, the tall
The one who rises to the call
The list is long - as I recall
Our orders said to love them all

The one who lets his demons win
The one we think we’re better than
A challenge great - as I recall
Our orders said to love them all

What Jeffrey Martin did with comic wit, Cockburn amps up with grim resolve. Let's admit it, sometimes we need a good dose of earnest commitment and power from above to love others as we'd be loved... which are our orders.

Cockburn's 38th album is perhaps his sweetest.
Pure light and joy burst from this release.

But don't let the soberness of this song scare you away from the his latest album where it resides. "O Sun O Moon" contains songs of pure joy and light as well. That sacramental joy permeates Cockburn's impressive collection of 38 releases since the early 70's. And that is why over a dozen of his songs are in my campfire lexicon.

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Joseph Stalin came from somebody's vagina

Best first line of a song, EVER!

We were at the Nowhere Else Festival with some friends when we first heard Jeffrey Martin belt these lyrics out from the stage. Here, have a listen yourself:

Joseph Stalin came from somebody's vagina
Just like Babe Ruth and Mao Zedong and Mark Twain
and Paul Simon played catch, with his Daddy on the weekend
Just like you, Just like you, Just like me

And Adolph Hitler played with dolls in his bedroom
Quiet so his mother wouldn't hear
And he grew up to be a monster, but for a while he was a child
Let's be clear, Let's be clear, Let's be clear

And Jesus represented love in the flesh
But they said he was a man in every way
And so the evidence would suggest, that he had a thing for breasts
Just like you, Just like you, Just like me

My coquette neighbor is a banker in the city
He falls off the wagon and gets drunk on Listerine
He is shiny on the outside and broken on the inside
Just like you, Just like you, Just like me

Yeah, he is shiny on the outside and broken on the inside
Just like you, Just like you, Just like me

The song got some laughs for sure. More importantly, I feel like it stimulated some thoughts on the dignity owed to each and every human. Check this out from Google AI:

Yes, you can be said to owe someone dignity, because dignity is an inherent worth that every person possesses and that you are morally obligated to respect, even if they don't "earn" it. While some argue that respect should be earned, the idea of inherent dignity means that you are owed a baseline of decency simply by virtue of being human. This includes treating them with respect, kindness, and consideration, regardless of their actions or circumstances.

Not bad. Pretty much aligns with what I'm learning of the dignity of the human person in my Theology of the Body courses. 

I've seen this type of respect on full display by a couple of women that one would think would have little of it for one another. One had an abortion under terrible circumstances. The other survived an abortion attempt in similar circumstances.

Rape and Abortion Survivors Unite!
The story of the most unlikely friendship

I've found nothing that illustrates the the whole thrust of Jeffrey Martin's song better than this. These two simply refuse to be offended by one another. They refuse to treat each other with disrespect. How refreshing.

This stands in glaring contrast to Charlie Kirk being murdered for what he was saying and doing. All of the offense taken into the public consciousness from Charlie evidently tanked up and burst out sideways through a deranged individual.

That is sad.

Perhaps he was a monster in some ways, I don't know, I never really followed his particular brand of activism or watched any of his college campus debates. But maybe we could add another verse to Jeffrey's song for Charlie:

Charlie Kirk spoke out for things that he believed in
He made famously infuriating pleas
But he loved his wife and kids, even with the things he did
Just like you, Just like you, Just like me.

As I listen to some of my friends speak about Charlie, I become sad about the way it comes across almost as a celebration of somebody finally getting what they deserved. "That $#%@ had it coming!!" is what I hear more often than not.

And this darkness is why Miriam and Buzz' friendship shines so brightly. Maybe we could learn something from them. They've become almost unoffendable toward each other. In fact they talk about this extensively in their tenth published phone chat. They speak of the Bible study they went through in a book by Brant Hansen.

The Bible Study that Buzz and Miriam
Have both read and pondered as they've sought
Reconciliation and recovery together

As I've shared these concepts with friends, it has been strange to observe how becoming unoffendable is deeply offensive to so many of us. (Yes I have taken offense at the suggestion as well.)

I listened to this book, read by the author at the suggestion of Miriam and Buzz... turns out that the author is also an established radio personality and listening to him is extremely engaging. He is both witty and humorous.

But back to Jeffrey Martin and his song. I think I'm a fan of this guy now. I plan to follow him some more. This song at least is now in my campfire song rotation. That might not seem like a big deal until you consider the others in that list like T-bone Burnett, Over the Rhine, Johnny Cash, Bob Dylan, Alison Kraus and Bruce Cockburn.

Keep writing songs Mr. Martin.

Remember, all produce on the farm is freely given

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Full Flavors Dismiss Caricatures

I was having dinner with my old friend Bob M and he recommended a book to me. I downloaded it for listening on the spot. It turns out to be the best crash course on the world’s largest faith traditions I’ve ever encountered.

In my experience, I’ve noticed the tendency of myself and others to construct a caricature of faith traditions in which we are not involved. It seems to be a universal tendency. The problem with this is that when I reduce an entire faith tradition to a caricature I am robbed of the full flavor of that group’s belief system.

This is precisely what John Dickson expertly avoids in his book “A Doubters Guide to World Religions: A Fair and Friendly Introduction to the History, Beliefs and Practices of the Big Five”.

The title mentions the word friendly and he means it. In the audible version the Australian author’s disarming wit and humor come to life as he reads it himself. I found it deeply engaging as he insisted upon explaining the various faith walks using their own words and enthusiasm as much as possible. It was as if a devoted follower were telling me all the wonderful things about their way of life.

I don’t know about you, but much of my exposure to world religions was taught from the perspective of ‘let’s see what is wrong with them’ rather than being curious. Professor Dickson’s approach is so much more engaging and kind.

In fact, the only dose of ‘let’s see what’s wrong with them’ is in a chapter dedicated to the author’s own faith walk: Chapter 26 - What’s Wrong With Jesus. In this chapter he allows each of the other four traditions to explain what they see as disagreeable or even abhorrent to them regarding the Christian way of belief and life.

Genius.

I learned so much from this genuinely disarming approach. It is the epitome of ‘seeking to understand rather than be understood’. I highly recommend this book to anyone fatigued by the relentless polemical approaches often adopted in this genre.

I have added a few hard copies of this book to share with the curious in the Photon Farms give away library.

It is that good.

Remember, all produce on the farm is freely given

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Arise, Take Up Pen and Write

[It is 1:30am and I just awoke from the most powerful and joyous dream and heard a voice in my heart telling me to rise, take up pen and write, do not delay… so I grabbed my iPad out of my backpack, moved into the living room to avoid disturbing my beloved and began to write out what I had dreamed before it faded away:]

I was in an auditorium with thousands upon thousands, we were processing in together.

The stage was all arrayed for worship. On the left side where I was processing in it was arranged for the western liturgy… the Novis Ordo mass perhaps but much more intricate, more like the Latin mass, but in English… Maybe the Tridentine Mass in English, which I’ve actually participated in before. But there was so much excitement and anticipation in the air.

A Priest came in in a simple brown cassock and he was carrying a huge loaf of flatbread and there were people censing with incense around him and he looked up and saw me because I was near — we know each other somehow (he reminds me of Fr. Boniface Hicks) and he smiled so wide and I smiled back and we whispered in hushed tones “Can you believe this is happening!?!”

At that moment I realized that the right side of the auditorium (or was it an an enclosed stadium?) was fully decked out for the Eastern Rite Divine Liturgy and the stage in front of that side was set up for the concurrent celebration of that liturgy.

And then behold, I realized it was NOT the Eastern Rite Roman Catholics that were worshipping there but dearly beloved Eastern Orthodox priests were there along with many of their Bishops and lay faithful. I recognize some of them from my own home town congregations.

I realize that I am in a concurrent western rite mass and eastern rite divine liturgy and everyone is so excited and happy. The joy in the air is palpable.

And then all is quiet and worship has begun.

It begins with the Eastern Rites leading the intercessory prayers with all the “Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy’s” in English, Arabic, Greek and various languages and everyone participating joyfully on both sides in chant just like we have done at Orthodox Churches in Grand Rapids.

Then I am sitting in a section of the stadium and my guitar is in my hands and it is so quiet and I play a D chord and know that we are to sing a Psalm in the typical Western rite order where a refrain is sung and then the verses are chanted in between the refrains… and I am leading it from my seat and somehow the thousands of people there can hear me and other instruments join in to my simple key of D chord progressions… someone is saying loudly a few rows away “D! D! D!” And I’m thinking to myself “no that isn’t the next chord”.. but then I realize he’s instructing others of the key we are singing in, not the next chord to be played.

And then I notice that I am in among a mix of many clergy in full regalia, I am in my humble clothing and nobody cares, it is all good.

And then the liturgy has progressed into the time for the Holy Eucharist to be fed to the faithful and we are all going forward to receive. And I see my friend Kurt Unangst in line going down on his knees in his green clerical robes to receive communion, but it is from a spoon like the Eastern Rites does and he looks and sees me and his face is shining with joy and wonder.

I too go forward and receive the Body and Blood of our Lord in Holy Communion and then as I’m returning I notice the black rought-iron railing is being covered with beautifully woven red silken coverlets by a local group of Baptist brothers who though they are not going forward for communion are there to support us and gift us with these beautiful coverings for the stair railings. They are happy to be there and get caught up in our joy.

And then there is commotion off to the right side beyond the Eastern Rites’ assembly area and I realize it is open to the outdoors somehow and I can hear drums and see banners in procession beyond the crowd, colorful banners and flags of red and white coming towards us.

Joy erupts from the crowded worshipers and shouts of “The Marians are coming!!! The Marians are coming!!!” Are repeated all around me and many are rushing to greet the latecomers to worship and joyfully embrace them.

And my own beloved Margie breaks out from behind me and runs forward yelling with the rest of them! And I say to her “I knew it! I just knew it!! Father told me they would come!” And she keeps running and without looking back says “you didn’t have to tell me that” [I was just showing off with my knowledge, after all] and she keeps running ahead to welcome them with the rest, leaping with joy.

And then the scene changes.

————————

I am now a man with a withered hand. I can see my hand at the front of my right arm and it is dangling almost detached and utterly useless. And I am somewhere perhaps in Ireland or England on an ancient cobblestone road leading up a hill and I am walking up toward a temple and someone is narrating in old Gaelic? About this road and the temple. I come into this temple and there is a pantheon, a collection of various deities to go to and I go to one of them and I start praying for healing and I am miserable and in rags.

In my prayers I am leaning on stone steps, old and dirty steps stained with blood and who knows what else and I am there face down on them praying and behold! My hand has been fully restored and I am bursting out loud with the words that are flooding my heart with joy “It is Jesus that has healed you! It is Jesus that has healed you!”

But I don’t know of this Jesus and I ask the attendants at the temple to lead me to the shrine of Jesus and they are flummoxed and wander around consulting one another of such a deity and they are becoming agitated and a man whom I somehow recognize as a friend takes me by the hand and says, “You must flee from here at once for they will chase you down and harm you if you do not leave… come with me I know a back way out through the priests’ area” and he leads me out and I’m running through parking lots? Where people are already fanning out seeking the stranger that was healed by some unknown and forbidden deity for they want to detain me, but they don’t know… they haven’t been given a good description of me and I escape into the fields beyond and I am free.



[This is all I can remember of my dream. I have done my best to write it down as I was instructed. Perhaps my beloved will help me process it more in the morning. It is 2:11 am, Sunday, September 28, 2025. We are heading to Ludington in about 4 hours to catch the Badger (car ferry) to Manitowoc, Wisconson. We’ll have some time to chat about it then perhaps.]

Remember, all produce on the farm is freely given

and never for sale. All donations to the farm

are tax deductible as we are a registered 501(c)(3).

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Fiscal Transparency / Produce Distributed

Alternately, you may send a check to: 

Photon Farms, Inc.

PO Box 36

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