The Smiling Saboteur

In a recent post I mentioned the scene from Trains, Planes and Automobiles where John Candy and Steve Martin are literally going the wrong way down a four lane highway and concerned motorists across the median are desperately yelling at them to turn around because they are going the wrong way. 

Metaphorically speaking, yelling across the median is one way to get someone’s attention, British Parliament is a fine example of this I suppose.

However, there are other ways to express our love and concern for a friend, enemy or frenemy who, at least from our perspective, is on a path that leads to pain, sorrow and even destruction.

Consider the smiling saboteur. This is the one who approaches us in a gentle way and undoes one of our points of view with a single sentence. Let’s say I get in that defensive “STOP BEING MY MORALITY POLICE” mode that I mentioned in my recent post and say something silly like:

“There are no moral absolutes, everything depends on the situation!”

To this my friend might smile and say something like:

“Ahhhh, I see, so there are absolutely no absolutes… hmmm.”

The Smiling Saboteur at work

Of course my friend has kindly derailed my thinking and like the biker with the proverbial stick in his front tire spokes I do a mental end-over-face-plant. Serves me right of course for saying something so ridiculous.

In another recent post I highlighted a website that actually provides moderately good examples of both the median yeller and the smiling saboteur. Both of these women are actually friends now and are collaborating to battle the most absurd sophistry of our era. The median yeller in this case (Ms. Vulgar Buzz) admits she was operating out of trauma and rage when she expressed her concerns. The smiling saboteur (Miriam) simply expresses the same truths that Ms. Vulgar Buzz does with a more gentle approach.

I’ve tried both approaches myself. Sometimes I’ve even done this out of loving concern (miracles never cease) and other times not so much. I think the smiling saboteur method is usually the more disarming and humorous way and can more readily lead to civil dialogue. However, when you truly love and care for someone and you are convinced in your heart that they are on a path of pain, sorrow and destruction, perhaps there is something about each approach that is redemptive.

One final note regarding the unlikely friendship of Ms. Vulgar Buzz and Miriam is due here. If it weren't for Miriam's uncanny ability to view people with compassion and curiosity rather than judging them, I don't believe this friendship would have ever blossomed. It was her persistence in gently and painstakingly drawing out the good she saw in what Ms. Vulgar Buzz was saying (aka: Diaper Changes) that eventually opened the door to their collaboration. 

I for one think that is beautiful.

Femanemia and True Feminine Genius

Two recent blog launches have captured my attention. Both fight femanemia with their authentic feminine genius. I find them both incredibly refreshing for this reason. But first...

What is Femanemia?

Good question. It is a word I coined months ago to describe the lack of true feminine genius in our world today. It is like a body lacking in red blood cells or having red blood cells that aren't functioning properly to bring other cells the oxygen needed to thrive. This pretty much describes our world from the fall of mankind in the Genesis narrative until the present.

Femanemia has been caused by many forces which were predicted the day humans were deceived by the enemy into thinking God was holding out on them and couldn't be trusted. The day they rebelled against God. Woman, the clear and absolute crown of all creation in the narrative, became subjected to frustration, oppression and indignity. Her true feminine genius, (the red blood cells of humanity) has been compromised, ignored and despised ever since.

Mary consoling Eve and with the God-man she conceived, gestated,
birthed and nurtured crushing the forces of evil for ever and ever. Amen 

Mary the mother of Jesus is the champion and hope of restoring woman to her rightful role as the crown of all creation. Valiant and fearless, she embodies true feminine genius perfectly, braving all the rigors of motherhood and standing by her son through thin and thinner. Most Christians realize that she is also a symbol of the Church, the Bride of Christ; in the order of nature she is his mother, but in the order of heaven she and the rest of the Church are God's spouse. This is the heart of the gospel message for both Men and Women. We all have the womb of our souls in which we are to conceive, gestate and birth Christ into the world. Men fail to do this to their own detriment.

Femanemia is mostly the failure of men to give Mary and all women their due as the true apex of the created order. True masculine genius listens to and properly incorporates the feminine genius into the entire fabric of their lives.

This is why I'm elated to introduce to you these two new web launches:

Web Launch 1: Leeloo and Friends - Authentic Voices of the Feminine Genius

One was launched by my friend Seb's Sister Leeloo. She has begun curating quotes from many writers who exhibit authentic feminine genius. If you are happily a woman and want to contribute your xx genius to this site, she welcomes it. She is hoping each quote can be commented on by such as you. Visit her site by clicking here.

Web Launch 2: What Would Female Fetuses Say?

I've never seen anything like this new launch. I have only had limited email interactons with Miriam to congratulate her for birthing a site that embodies the feminine genius to near perfection. She seems to channel Mary the mother of God's heroic love and compassion.

Miriam is a thirty something Connecticut mom who experienced much trauma, but like so many strong women has rebounded and wants to help others navigate their own trauma and the brain fog it can produce.

Her genius shines the brightest when she refuses to demonize people who get a little bit vulgar and pushy with their morality (i.e. the Vulgar Buzz Images she stumbled upon). Instead of naming them the 'morality police' she instead embraces them and tries to understand them. She is a prime example of someone who understands the shockingly tough mother love I spoke about in a previous post. 

Far from horibalizing The Vulgar Buzz images, like any good mom with a babbling toddler she just changes their "dirty diapers", translates their harsh infantile expressions and sends them off to play with a clean diaper.

Utter. Feminine. Genius.

Bravo Miriam! I wish you well and will do what I can to lead people to your shining example of feminine love.

Meet Miriam by clicking here.

Three Loving Lights Shining on Morality

In these months before the election there have been so many divisive issues polarizing groups of people and sorting them by political party or religious denominations. One term that seems to be thrown around a lot is "Morality Police"; where one group will accuse another group of trying to enforce their sense of the moral law onto the others. The favor is almost always returned.

This seems like an unhelpful approach to me. Almost without exception, both groups involved are asserting their understanding of what is good for humanity and the world we live in. They do this invariably out of love or their desire for everyone to flourish in an equitable fashion. Neither group seems to be asserting their view because they wish to harm humanity or our world.

As unlikely as it seems on the surface, I believe that all sides actually think they're trying to do the loving thing. The reason they are so passionate and assertive about their own particular moral view is because they think the people in the other groups are not being loving. 

This unabashedly positive approach is echoed by one of my favorite songwriters, Bruce Cockburn:

"What will go wrong, will go wrong
What will go right, will go right
Push come to shove
It's all about love
The sight of your smile fills my heart with light"

I'm with Bruce. I want to search for the good, the true and the beautiful in others and when I find the tiniest fragment of it I want to bless it, draw it out and fan it into flame. Especially for those who call me their enemy.

So as I seek to understand those very people, I believe the following three metaphors can light my way.

Mother Love

Dr. Peter Kreeft asserts "There is absolutely no contradiction, or even any tension, between a loving mother's hospitality in welcoming all the kids in the neighborhood into her... house and that same mother out of that same love, warning all the kids in the loudest and scariest and most authoritative tone not to skate on the thin ice on the lake behind her house. Love is both shockingly tender and shockingly tough."

He then applies this to Jesus when he exhorts us to amputate parts of our bodies rather than let that diseased part destroy our lives. Like the Mom in the above illustration, Jesus puts on his shockingly tough loving voice to warn us that if we continue along that path, we won't get to our desired destination. He loves us with a crazy love and wants us to flourish and not lose our way.

So is Jesus or this Mom just being the Morality Police? Certainly not.

Perhaps neither are the folks who call me their enemy. Maybe they're just showing their shockingly tough love.

The Owners Manual

Every car comes with an Owner's Manual. We don't read it to our own detriment. We risk our lives and the lives of others by not following it, or at the least we run the risk of not reaching our desired destination.

In life, of course, there is no agreed upon owner's manual. Those who call me an enemy get upset when I don't follow the guidelines in what they see as the owner's manual for all humanity. Out of loving concern they reach out to me to try to correct me so I can get where I'm going without hurting myself and others.

Perhaps they aren't pushing their morals on me or being the morality police. Perhaps they are just trying to do the right and loving thing for me.

Learning to Drive 

Imagine you are solely responsible for teaching your child to drive a car. You love your child and want them to flourish. So you are careful to explain the rules of the road.

"Son, in America we stay on right side of the road. If you drive on the left side you'll be heading into oncoming traffic and the likelihood of you or your passengers or others dying will increase exponentially. I want you to get where you're going safely so drive on the right side of the road. Oh yeah, and these stop signs, be sure to stop at them and take turns with other drivers to get through the intersection... and beware of motorcycles and bikes, give them a wide berth for they are very vulnerable."

This metaphor applies nicely when it comes to our views on morality, especially when we see someone barreling up the off ramp and going the wrong way down the four lane highway of life.

"YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!!! YOU'RE GOING TO GET KILLED OR KILL SOMEONE! TURN AROUND!!!"

All these are things we'd say if we saw someone actually going the wrong way on the expressway... remember the scene from Planes, Tranes and Automobiles!?

Well, perhaps the people that call me an enemy are simply trying to get me to realize I'm going the wrong way on the expressway. Maybe from their perspective they're just trying to save my life and the life of others around me. Maybe they just want to see me get to my destination safely. Maybe they're just trying to do the loving thing.

Destination as a Common Denominator

Notice that all three metaphors assume we are trying to get somewhere good. Notice that people are not so sure we're going to get somewhere good by going the way we are going. Perhaps they're just trying to love us the best they know how.

Then again, perhaps not. There are people who love to hate. But honestly, I don't know too many people like that. Pretty much everyone I've known or encountered wants to love and be loved. That's just the way most humans are in my experience.

So maybe keeping the metaphors in mind will help us dialogue better with the folks that see us as their enemy... or at least with friends who disagree with us. Maybe we can realize that most people want what is good, true and beautiful for everyone and that it is actually love that motivates them to advocate for their views of what that looks like in the day to day.

Books for Incarcerated Friends

Part of the produce that is given away (and never for sale) at the farm comes in the form of books. These are selected based on Farmer Fred's experience for what has helped him flourish in his own faith journey.

Many of our incarcerated friends love to read!

With some recent generosity of farmily friends, we were able to give the above to Kent County Correctional Facility's Chaplain Library. Our incarcerated friends there can request any of these any time.

Particularly, Farmer Fred is called upon to do video visits with people that request it as well as be a pen pal with others. This is a tiny continuation of the in person ministry that he did there for a few years.

For both pen pals and video visits, he tries to sense the nudging of the Holy Spirit in which titles to recommend to each person based on where they are at in their journey and what their particular faith tradition is.

Thanks so much to all who contribute and pray to make this possible!

The list below is the inventory as of the first week of August, 2024.

_____________

The Great Adventure Catholic Bible - (3 copies)
This is the one Fr. Mike Schmidt uses in his "Bible in a Year" Podcast. "Each book of the Bible is color-coded with a thumb index, indicating where it belongs within the [Great adventure Catholic] Bible timeline. Twelve timeline charts provide a visual overview of the Bible, including: important characters, key events, geography, major covenants, world rulers, and contemporary events in secular history. Twelve articles give a summary and explanation of each period of salvation history. Seven articles introduce and explain the major covenants of salvation history ... Seventy key event call-outs provide a brief description of the milestones in the biblical narrative"

The Bible Timeline Chart - (3 Copies)
This Chart goes along with the Great Adventure Catholic Bible and is referred to by both Fr. Mike and Jeff Cavins as an aid to getting the big picture of scripture. This color-coded Bible study tool shows how all of the books of the Bible fit together to tell the story of salvation history. It arranges the key people, places, and events of Sacred Scripture in chronological order, so that you can get the big picture of the Bible. This chart is the cornerstone of The Great Adventure Catholic Bible Study Program.

J.R.R. Tolkien - Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit (2 copies of each book - 8 books total)
This is a long story of good vs. evil written by a very devout Christian. He is a weaver of myths. The stories take place in a time long after the fall in the garden and long after the great flood that reshaped the world yet long before the coming of Christ. It is full of beauty and truth and love conquering evil… often at the last minute.

Calvin Miller - Singer Trilogy (2 copies of the Trilogy in one volume each)
This is a long poetic telling of the life of Christ (The Singer), the Acts of the Apostles (The Song) and the end of the ages (The Finale). It breathes beauty, hope and love into my heart every time I read it. The fullness of the sacramental vision is somewhat absent, but the beauty of the poetic prose is what keeps drawing me back in.

Dr. John Bergsma - Bible Basics for Catholics (3 copies)
One of the better big picture introductions to Holy Scripture. A very good foundation to build on later with other great works.

Dr. John Bergsma - Stunned by Scripture (2 copies)
A very interesting conversion story of a man who lived and served in the Grand Rapids area for a time. It hit home to me because the family I married into knows his family.

Dr. Scott Hahn - Hail Holy Queen (3 copies)
Dr. Hahn is famous for showing how Catholic practices are deeply rooted in scripture. His conversion story is also very interesting. This book dives into the many misunderstandings about Mary and putting forth a solid scriptural basis for proper respect for the Mother of God. It shows her continuing role (along with all our dear dead dears who mystically part of the Church triumphant in heaven) to pray for us outside the boundaries of time and space.

Dr. Scott Hahn - The Lamb’s Supper (3 copies)
This is in part a retelling of Dr. Hahn’s conversion story and in part a new and refreshing take on the book of Revelation (The Apocalypse). It will help you have a much deeper understanding of the Holy Mass or as they call it in the Eastern Church the Divine Liturgy. It is a beautiful Bible Study as well.

Dr. Peter Kreeft - Jacob’s Ladder (2 copies)
This is an imaginary conversation between two women, one a devout believer and one still searching. In it the believer takes the seeker step by step into a deeper understanding of life and eternity. Very good for helping one understand how a person moves from being completely lost and confused to realizing they must make a decision to either to surrender and follow Jesus or walk away. Very entertaining read.

Fr. Jacques Philippe - Time for God (2 copies)
Fr. Jacques Philippe - Called to Life (1 copy)
Fr. Jacques Philippe - Searching for and Maintaining Peace (2 copies)
These three booklets are by a famous French monk who has a knack for discussing the things of the Lord in rich and uplifting ways. I’ve read the one about peace and found it very beneficial. I have been told the other two are wonderfully delicious and good soul food as well.

Fr. Michael Gaitley - 33 Days to Merciful Love (2 copies)
This book is designed to be read little by little over a 33 day period, sort of like a little retreat in one’s heart. In it, Fr. Gaitley explores what it means to truly trust God, to contemplate what it takes to completely surrender to Him and do His will in the little things with great love. He uses the lives of many famous Christians to demonstrate what this trust looks like and means and ultimately what it means to be a conduit for God’s Divine Mercy to others. Beautifully written and I read it over and over again, including the extensive footnotes on the text.

Fr. Henry Nouwen - Life of the Beloved (3 copies)
Fr. Nouwen wrote this for his secular atheist friends who want him to explain the Christian faith in language that they could understand. Turns out that Christians also love the book which is very rich and nourishing, myself included. One that I reread often.

Rita Simmonds - Convicted by Mercy (Frank’s Biography)  (2 copies)
Rita is a poet and was considering entering a monastery when she met Frank and married him. Her retelling of his life and death is full of good examples of what it means to offer up one’s suffering as a prayer for the benefit of others… just like Jesus did. Beautifully told true story of a life lovingly lived.

C.S. Lewis - Space Trilogy (2 copies of the Trilogy in one volume each)
This is another set of books I return to every few years. The stories are set just after World War II and are beautiful explorations of the soaring imagination of C.S. Lewis who saw that God was everywhere. He saw through the nonsense of science as a religion that had no room for anything it couldn’t see or touch and he demonstrates this with great humor throughout these beautifully written books. Remember, it was written long before actual space travel occurred so you must forgive it’s inaccuracies regarding what Mars and Venus are really like in real life. It is still very good at painting a picture of the Cosmos that is mind blowing and permeated with God’s presence through and through.

C.S. Lewis - Chronicles of Narnia (3 copies of 7 book set in one volume each)
I am not ashamed to say that I read or listen to all seven of these books almost every year. They bless my heart so much! So good to see the tenets of our faith portrayed in the hearts of little children as is done so well in these books. So rich with spiritual truth… these are classic stories of love, life, faith, courage, hope and joy. They expand my mind to make room for Jesus a little more each time I read them!

Christopher West - Pope Francis To Go (5 copies)
Christopher is very good at drawing out the theology of the body wherever he gazes. As he dives into the words of our Pope Francis he does this especially well. You will get acquainted with a proper framework of family and spousal love through reading this sampling of Pope Francis’ words on the subjects, coupled with Dr. West’s extensive insights.

Dr. Brant Pitre:Jesus and the Jewish Roots of Mary (1 copy)
Jesus and the Jewish Roots of the Eucharist (2 copies)
Dr. Pitre digs into scripture and helps us learn how Mary’s Jewish roots help us understand her better. In fact, without a thorough grasp of Mary and Jesus’ Jewishness, we are bound to make errors in how we see them both. Both of these books really help us dig into what it meant to be Jewish in their times and how that fact really can enlighten our view on so many levels.

Scot McKnight - The Real Mary: Why Protestant Christians Can Embrace the Mother of Jesus (1 Copy)
Popular biblical scholar Scot McKnight explores the contours of Mary's life from the moment she learned of God's plan for the Messiah to the culmination of Christ's ministry on earth. Dismantling the myths and challenging our prejudices, the author introduces us to a woman who is a model for faith and who points us to her son.

Richards and O'Brien - Misreading Scripture with Western Eyes: Removing Cultural Blinders to Better Understand the Bible (1 Copy)
Biblical scholars Brandon O'Brien and Randy Richards shed light on the ways that Western readers often misunderstand the cultural dynamics of the Bible. They identify nine key areas where modern Westerners have significantly different assumptions about what might be going on in a text. Drawing on their own cross-cultural experience in global mission, O'Brien and Richards show how better self-awareness and understanding of cultural differences in language, time and social mores allow us to see the Bible in fresh and unexpected ways.

Remember, all produce on the farm is freely given

and never for sale. All donations to the farm

are tax deductible as we are a registered 501(c)(3).

If you've been blessed by our produce and would

love to make sure others get blessed too,

use the 'Donate' button below to pay it forward.

Fiscal Transparency / Produce Distributed

Contact Farmer Fred by clicking the ‘View Web Version’ 

link below. A form will appear in the right column 

when you do this which you can fill out to email him.

(This note is for phone browsers.)

A Poem Becomes a Prayer

Egyptian Poet Mostofa Ibrahim

My son-in-law shared a beautiful little poem that seems to be all over the Internet and attributed to Poet Mostofa Ibrahim. I wish I could find a book of his poetry... everything seems to be out of print or so rare that it is unattainable. I resonate with with this poem anyway... and all I've done to transform it into a Christian prayer is to address it to Jesus and aim it at myself (replacing each 'you' with an 'I'):

Lord Jesus,
May I never be the reason why someone who loved to sing,
doesn’t anymore.
Or why someone who dressed so uniquely,
now wears plain clothing.
Or why someone who always spoke so excitedly about their dreams,
is now silent about them.
May I never be the reason someone gave up on a part of themselves
because I was demotivating, hypocritical, or even worse
— sarcastic about it.

—A Prayer Inspired by poet Mostofa Ibrahim

See the original Poem by clicking here.

What especially strikes me in the original poem is that in spite of being treated in the manner that the poet speaks of I still do it to others. I can be that critical voice, that mocker, that dream crusher that guy who uses sarcasm as a weapon.

Which is precisely why I saw the need to personalize it, address it to my higher power and make it into a prayer I recite often.

I start my first course in pursuing a certificate in Spiritual Direction this Wednesday through Divine Mercy University. I know that as a person who has sponsored many people in recovery that I have much to improve upon in learning to walk with people gently, truly seeing the true, good and beautiful in each person I encounter.

I sense that this prayer will be a small but important part of that journey of learning to be a truly empathetic companion on life's journey to souls that want such a companion.

God's will, not mine be done.

My Friendly Digital Divorce

I decided to move forward with the digital divorce...

Today I monotasked. I walked into the store without any tech to buy an old fashioned object called an alarm clock. 

Why?

So I can deliver the divorce papers to my phone tonight.

I no longer want to sleep with it or even be in the same room with it when I'm going to sleep, sleeping or waking up.

I want it to be a friendly divorce. I'll still visit digital land and I'll pay attention to our children (this website is one of them). But I'm not sleeping with it any more.

This is all part of a series of little experiments I'm trying in order to live life less attached to the digital realm and live more just as a human, interacting with his surroundings and the people in it.

It has been a long time coming. I remember the decision to leave my phone in the car when going to Mass about six months ago. So freeing. It became a permanent habit about one month into the experiment.

Excellent Ideas and Scholarship

Felicia Wu Song's book, "Restless Devices: Recovering Personhood, Presence, and Place in the Digital Age" is what has encouraged me to try more experiments in this realm. I am grateful for her work and look forward to seeing her in few moments here at the Calvin College Fine Arts Center... in fact I better get going, her lecture is about to start. Back in a bit :D

....

Ok, back in the saddle. 

Dr. Song gave us an excellent presentation and then a fine Q & A afterwards. She is a brilliant scholar and yet delivers her findings with tact and kindness, you won't be shamed by her for participating in the alarming trends that she exposes. Rather, she gives you simple ways to set proper working boundaries in your use of technology.

Which is why I'm referring to my relationship with the digital realm as a friendly divorce.

No, I don't want to sleep with it anymore, but I still value the toolset it has to offer to help live my life. But not on its terms anymore, or not so much I hope. I hope to extract myself from the seemingly compulsive attention to it and perhaps focus more on my marriage to my wife, my relationship to my family, friends and God.

So as I continue to experiment in this new way of divorcing myself from the digital, I ask your patience. I may not check my phone as much. I may leave it behind more. I might not login as much.

Who knows, I might be able to learn to more consistently engage with the world around me full of trees and grass and people and rivers and well, just all things bright and beautiful. I hope you can forgive me and maybe even join me... there is strength in numbers.

Barbie: A Thousand Excellent Questions

I was able to watch the Barbie Movie with my wife this week and I must say I was deeply impressed. It isn't too many movies that ask so many good questions.

Being a student of anthropology and phenomenology I found the movie fascinating. It poses so many excellent questions about what it means to be human in such rapid succession that I would have to watch the movie in slow motion to catch them all. One of the lead characters (a mom who had played with Barbie dolls as a child) posed several pointed and excellent questions out loud, while most of the questions (equally valid) were masked under sarcastic and often dark humor.

This movie kicked my inner Mr. Curious into gear and below are a few of the questions it triggered me to ask:

• What does it mean to be human?
• What does it mean to be treated like an object?
• Who am I?
• What do genitals mean?
• What happens when genitals are not present or distinct?
• What is the patriarchy?
• What is masculinity?
• What is matriarchy?
• What is femininity?
• What does it mean to be a mother?
• Why is fatherhood absent or a joke?
• How do stereotypes harm us?
• What is the difference between a stereotype and an archetype?
• What do we do with the wounds of being objectified and/or oppressed?
• Why did pregnant Barbie get discontinued?
• Why is it not OK to want to be a mom?
• What happens when you realize you actually have distinct genitalia?
• Why didn't Barbie completely destroy the need for playing with baby dolls (despite the haunting implications of the opening scene)?
• What happens when the function of genitalia is removed from society completely (Barbie Land)?
• Why on earth would any human wear high heals?
• Is girl's night or boy's night helpful? What does it mean or point to?
• What are tears? Why do we have them?
• Is all pain bad? What is its function?
• What is the function of bad breath and other bad smells?
• What does it mean to have a real body?
• Just how important is embodiment?
• Does my body even matter?
• Is matriarchy better than patriarchy?
• Why is the definition of feminine beauty so convoluted?
• What is the true source of beauty?
• Is there a way for man and women to live in complementarity rather than struggling to dominate one another?

The truly profound thing about this movie is I didn't sense it trying to force any easy answers to any of these questions. That is a rare gift in our world today in my humble opinion.

The very next night Margie and I watched Oppenheimer, the story of how the power of splitting the atom was harnessed for the mass destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the end of World War II. It was a tedious and heart breaking movie to say the least. But it did add a couple more questions to the thousand excellent questions thrown at me the night before:

• What is worse: twisting the function of nuclear energy into a weapon or weaponizing human sexuality into a game of thrones and domination?
• What is the more powerful force: human sexual interaction or nuclear fission/fusion?

Hmmmmm....